Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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