kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize