Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
