just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
