he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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