She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
