Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
