I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
