Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
