i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
