So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
