Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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