found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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