You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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