my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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