im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
