also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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