So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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