She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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