just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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