can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
