My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
