she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
