yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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