i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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