if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
