The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize