Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I look better un-naked...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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