I just cut my nipple shaving
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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