Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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