I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
