youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize