I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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