OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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