Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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