Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
