My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it glows. i had to have it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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