bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
