at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
