I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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