it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
