Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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