the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish you could order shots online.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
