is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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