i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
