I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
