I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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