The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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