haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
