she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
