Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
