I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
