U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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