Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
