I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
