we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
