five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
