I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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