and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
