Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ttyl tear gas
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
