Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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