my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
