I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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