She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
