Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
