So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
