Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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