From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
