dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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