Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
