I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we should paint friendship bongs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
