he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
